Hilary Duff – Dignity

April 20, 2007

FlavaDave Says: Is this the most ironic album title of all time?

Flinchbot Says: Well, the most ironic title for a single of all time was obviously “Ironic” by Alannis Marmoset. But we’re not interested in Kevin Smith’s dogmatic she-God here. Rather, we are here to discuss the irony of the title “Dignity” as it relates to Ms. Hilary Duff. Had this been a just-released Britney Spears album, then I think you can’t help but say it’s the most ironically titled album. Personally, I think the next Britney Spears album should be called “2 Days In Rehab Is Enough For Me (Baby)”.

First, I must admit that I know very little about this Hilary Duff chick other than she was some sort of child actor. Excuse me for one moment while I reference her Wikipedia article. Hmmm. After skimming that, I think I’m going to have to resoundly disagree with the assertion that it is the most ironic album title of all time. This chick hasn’t done anything that would make me question her dignity. Based on that article, we’re still trying to figure out if she is a virgin or not (I’m guessing no).

My recommendation for most ironic album title of all time: REO Speedwagon’s “The Essential REO Speedwagon”. Nothing of theirs is either essential or necessary. Worst band ever.

FlavaDave Says: I think when you a) throw out your childhood to be a walking, talking ATM for Disney, b) date a member of Good Charlotte that, if consumated, would be illegal age-wise, and c) pose in Maxim with schoolgirl/Micky Mouse gear on, you are on thin ice.

But no one who has ever had a feud with Lindsay Lohan over a boy gets to use the word dignity. And as low as cat-fighting with anyone involved in the making of “Herbie Fully Loaded” is, this is the real clincher:

They were fighting over Aaron Carter.

And how can any band with lyrics like these be anything less than essential?

Do you know where your woman is tonight?
Do you know if she’s sleepin’ alone tonight?
Well, you might be right and you might be wrong
when you say you trust her alone.
But this rock ‘n roll road has led you far into the night.
Do you know where your woman is tonight?

That’s life on the road, baby. You wouldn’t understand.

Besides, without them, we wouldn’t have REO Speedealer. Making fun of REO Speedwagon’s name is a rite of passage into rock’n’roll fandom, which makes the band essential (albeit by proxy).

Flinchbot says: Hmmm. I’m still not sold that it is the most ironic album title ever. Let me offer a few counter examples and see if you still stick to your Duff-gun.

1. Kriss Kross released a second album (Exactly…who knew?) and called it “Da Bomb”. Isn’t it ironic that the album absolutely bombed?

2. Vanilla Ice – “Cool as Ice”. ’nuff said.

 

3. John Lennon and Yoko Ono – “Unfinished Music No. 1 – Two Virgins”. When were they last virgins? 1958?

 

4. David Cassidy – “The Higher They Climb, The Harder They Fall” Yes sir buddy. You fell pretty freaking hard.

5. Pat Boone – “In a Metal Mood – No More Mr. Nice Guy”. Note the glint in his eye. Isn’t that so nice of him? He covered “Crazy Train”. And “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If you Wanna Rock and Roll)”. Much longer than you could have possibly imagined. You and David Cassidy should release an album together.

Flinchbot says: OK, I concede…the Hilary Duff album named “Dignity” is the most ironically titled album ever. Yesterday I spent some time scouring for counter examples and came up with 5 that are every bit as ironic, if not more so.

However, that was before I went to the gym last night and worked out. After pushing some weights around for an hour, I moved over to the Cybex ArcTrainer for 35 minutes of interval training. The aerobic area at the gym faces this monster bank of TVs showing a bunch of different TV channels in an effort to provide some entertainment to the bored excerciser. Along with ESPN, local TV channels, and others, there is also an in-house music channel that shows music videos.

As I walked up to my ArcTrainer, the music video channel was showing a Hilary Duff video for some song I don’t remember or feel like looking up. But the real irony, the true “message from the gods” moment happened as soon as the Hilary Duff video was over. Take a wild ass guess as to which video came on after the Duffsters? Go ahead – guess. I’ll wait.

Son of a bitch if it wasn’t Ironic by Alanis Morrisette. I’m serious.

Totally happened. True Story.

I concede.

There are powers out there far beyond my understanding.

FlavaDave Says: Woo hoo! I win! I win one to nothin’!