Which Smells More: Terre Haute or The State of New Jersey?

Flinchbot is in New Jersey for some work bullshit, so ‘F versus F’ will be a little slow this week. Taking advantage of the situation, we decided to have a Jersey-themed discussion.

Terre Haute native Scatman Crothers

I personally wanted to do a “Top 5 Hottest New Jersey Natives” list, but Flinch vetoed it because……………….I’m really not sure why. Flinch just took sexy back again.

So, we turn our attention to the least sexy subject of them all: garbage. Jersey is famous for it, Terre Haute smells like it. So which smells worse: Terre Haute, Indiana or the entire state of New Jersey?



Bonus Links:Two classic Terre Haute-related Onion articles:Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A ‘Terre Haute Sound’

Zombie Corpse Of Scatman Crothers Speaks Out Against Telemarketing Scams


Flinchbot Says: I’ve been to New Jersey a few times now. The most memorable was Atlantic City in roughly 1997 when I had my worst hangover ever. I stayed in the hotel room almost all damn day, curtains closed, headache pounding…good times.

Natalie Portman, who was in a movie about New Jersey or something.

This time I’m staying in Cherry Hill, a 15 minute ride away from Philadelphia. And much like my stay in Atlantic City, I can’t say New Jersey smells. For God’s sakes, the state is called “The Garden State”. And when you think of gardens, you naturally think of Garden of Eden beauty. And how can you associate Garden of Eden beauty with stink?

Sure, Jersey has it’s less than wonderful parts but I’ve honestly never seen them. A guy here just mentioned that if we stay on the highway another few extis that we would become one with Jersey junk. But you see, Jersey is willing to hid their craptacular parts away from the common visitor and occasional long distance
commuter.

Terre Haute, on the other hand, does not care what parts of that fine town you visit. Nay, they legend of the Terre Haute Smell speaks volumes for itself. Since i’ve never smelled anything nasty in New Jersey, Terre Haute must clearly be the stinkiest place in America.

FlavaDave Says: Let’s take a look at two fictitious guys. One guy is a clean-cut businessman. He shaves every day and gets his haircut once a week. A crisp shirt and a new pair of underwear are staples of his daily clothing ensemble. He has never had dandruff, and he typically smells like a true Stetson man.

The other guy is a sandwich artist at Jimmy John’s. He has cut his hair about 10 times in his entire life and considers showers a luxury if and when he happens to wake up a little early. He has worn the same pair of jeans for 10 days straight and doesn’t even own more than two pairs of underwear. He ran five miles this morning and didn’t even do so much as wipe on a new coat of deodorant before leaving the house.

So which one smells worse? Obviously the second guy.

But wait! I forgot to tell you that the first guy downs two Beef & Bean Supreme Burritos and a Nacho Bell Grande for lunch each day, followed by a steak wrapped in bacon and some broccoli & cheese for dinner.

Any given part of the second guy will smell worse than the first guy. But, sweet Jesus, the buttcrack of the first guy will peel the paint off a motorcycle.

So while Terre Haute smells pretty bad all over, I ask you this:

Could the smell emanating from Terre Haute ever shut down Manhattan?

Flinchbot Says: Hahaha. I forgot about that Manhattan smell thing. Typical New Jersey.

So it really raises the following question: Would you rather have a very infrequent uber-smell (New Jersey) or a constant smell of funk. I’d take the New Jersey smell because 1.) it happens rarely and 2.) it affected Manhattan way more than New Jersey.

So I pick New Jersey since the smell really ends up outside the state borders. New jersey is the Acid Rain of smell.

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10 Responses to Which Smells More: Terre Haute or The State of New Jersey?

  1. Steve Speaks The Truth says:

    Terre Haute.

    Believe it or not, there are actually lovely, picturesque parts of New Jersey.

  2. flinchbot says:

    “.. there are actually lovely, picturesque parts of Natalie Portman.”

    fixed.

  3. Steve Speaks The Truth says:

    I love me some Natalie Portman as much, if not more, than the next guy and consider the tingly feelings I get watching her pre-18th-birthday films my guiltiest of guilty pleasures.

    That said, having seen her nude beach paparazzi shots…unimpressive. I’m chalking her up as one of those girls that looks better clothed than the alternative.

  4. flavadave says:

    There’s a good debate: would you rather be with a girl that looks great naked but average clothed, or beautiful clothed and underwhelming naked?

  5. flinchbot says:

    I’d take either chick. Not that I’m desperate but, uh….yeah.

  6. Steve Speaks The Truth says:

    Great clothed and underwhelming naked is my choice. Generally naked is a pretty good thing no matter what the quality of the naughty bits might be. Since I hold Ms. Portman in such lofty esteem, I guess I was a bit disappointed when she wasn’t built like a goddess. That said, given the opportunity to take in the same sight in real life…

    Extended to real women, you see a woman more clothed than naked, so great clothed.

  7. Jim says:

    Hey, I used to live in Terre Haute, in the late 80s and early 90s. The secret to odor-free living is to live way up on the north side. The norther the better. The stink settles in on the south side pretty heavy. For some dumb reason, the south side was “the” part of town to live in back then. I didn’t understand that. “Yeah, let’s settle in downwind of the creosote plant.” Duh.

    But agreed, there ain’t much picturesque about the place.

  8. dirk digler says:

    jersey is lame. you all are lame. and portman is lame in bed.

  9. […] 17. Air fresheners – It doesn’t matter if it is a spray, or one of those plug in air fresheners, but you should bring many with you to college. This is especially important if you have your own bathroom. I’ll save the grim details, but needless to say, you may find yourself surprised at some of the smells your roommates can produce. Not to mention, you may have the unfortunate luck of being stuck across the hall from the “smelly room.” Being prepared can help your smell defense. You may also get stuck with the smelly roommate. If that is the case, then you may want to write to your family for re-enforcements. Maybe if that roommate sees you opening a care package full of Febreze bottles they’ll get the message. All joking aside, you want to do whatever you can to avoid being known as the stinky room. Once again, women are generally much better about this than men. Trust me guys, girls will enjoy themselves much more if your room doesn’t smell like a New Jersey garbage dump. […]

  10. […] 17. Air fresheners – It doesn’t matter if it is a spray, or one of those plug in air fresheners, but you should bring many with you to college. This is especially important if you have your own bathroom. I’ll save the grim details, but needless to say, you may find yourself surprised at some of the smells your roommates can produce. Not to mention, you may have the unfortunate luck of being stuck across the hall from the “smelly room.” Being prepared can help your smell defense. You may also get stuck with the smelly roommate. If that is the case, then you may want to write to your family for re-enforcements. Maybe if that roommate sees you opening a care package full of Febreze bottles they’ll get the message. All joking aside, you want to do whatever you can to avoid being known as the stinky room. Once again, women are generally much better about this than men. Trust me guys, girls will enjoy themselves much more if your room doesn’t smell like a New Jersey garbage dump. […]

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